Gay bars with go go boys

Swarms of men crowd the space and rub up against each other and me as they shimmy toward the bartenders. Shy and unnerved, I cling to my good friend, Paris, who came with me. I never leave home without an emotional support lesbian. Some smile at me, I smile back. Some meet eyes with me, but we both quickly look away because of a one-off Grindr or Sniffies encounter.

I order a stiff drink from the muscled bartender that I just know finds me annoying. I watch the crowd dance, laugh, and grind while they shove dollars into the jockstrap of an oiled up circuit boy on stage. After we giggle and the less-than-heartfelt smirk fades from my face, I silently begin gazing around the room, not sure what to do next.

I order another double vodka soda. I cling to Paris in hopes she will take care of me when I black out. I always begged the universe to make me a shirt because I was self-conscious of the gut that plopped over my tight briefs and the body hair that grew in a little too soon. For me, taking my shirt off during a game of shirts and skins soccer or football is the same feeling as walking into a gay bar fully clothed.

Unlike the field, bars have booze, party favors, and the occasional bathroom rendezvous to make me feel less and less vulnerable as the night moves forward. And, in some ways, I know I have it easier than more marginalized community members. I grab another double vodka soda on the way to the patio from another muscled crop-top wearing bartender.

I find a nearly blacked-out twink on the patio that I used to work with in my early 20s and I breathe a sigh of relief.

Gay Bars Bangkok

I look at Paris for reassurance. She looks worried. Panic sets in. You know the feeling. I blame it on the rain. Thankfully, I passed the phone-wallet-keys check. I feel waves of anxiety. I ask Paris not to tell me how sloppy I was. Not only has this happened several times inbut I started this chaos in my gayby days.

The same pattern of anxiety mixed with booze made my early 20s a blur. I sobered up once from heroin. Before I knew it, I found myself injecting dope again while drinking too. I was only